Divorce is a major life change, not just for the couple involved but for their children as well. It can shake up their world, leaving them feeling uncertain, anxious or even scared about what the future holds. As a parent, it’s natural to worry about the impact of divorce on your children and to wonder how you can help them cope. The good news is that while divorce can be challenging, there are ways to support your children so they feel loved, secure and understood.
Understanding the effects of divorce on children
Every child reacts to divorce differently, depending on their age, personality and the individual circumstances – after all, no divorce unfolds in quite the same way. No matter how your child reacts, their feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. Some of the most common reactions include:
Confusion and uncertainty
Children may not understand what divorce means or what changes it will bring to their daily lives. They might wonder where they’ll live, if they’ll still see both parents or if they did something to cause it.
Anger or sadness
Children might feel angry at their parents or sad about the family splitting up. These emotions can sometimes manifest as tantrums, withdrawal or other changes in behaviour.
Anxiety or fear
Divorce can make the future feel unpredictable for everyone. Children may worry about losing one parent, moving homes or how the divorce will affect their friendships and school life. Some children may voice these concerns, but others may not.
Guilt or blame
It’s not uncommon for children to blame themselves for their parents’ separation. They may think if they had behaved better, the divorce wouldn’t have happened.
How to support your child during a divorce
Here are some practical ways to support your child emotionally and mentally:
1, Reassure them that they are loved
One of the most important messages children need to hear during a divorce is that they’re loved by both parents and that the divorce is not their fault. Let them know that while the family is changing, your love for them remains constant and unshakable.
2, Keep communication open
Encourage your child to talk about how they’re feeling. Ask open-ended questions that’ll help them share, such as, ‘How are you feeling about everything?’ or ‘Is there anything you want to talk about?’ Listen without judgment or interruption, and validate their emotions, even if they’re hard for you to hear.
3, Provide stability and routine
Divorce inevitably brings change, but maintaining as much stability as possible can help your child feel more secure in an unsettling time. Stick to familiar routines as far as you can, like bedtime schedules or family traditions.
4, Avoid putting them in the middle
It’s important not to involve your child in adult conflicts. Don’t speak negatively about the other parent in front of them or use them as a messenger or go-between. Children should feel free to love both parents without feeling like they need to choose ‘sides’.
5, Seek support if you need it
If your child is struggling to cope, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A suitable counsellor or therapist can provide your child with tools to process their emotions and adapt to the changes. And working with a solicitor that specialises in family law will be invaluable in helping you navigate the legal complexities of divorce while making sure your children are impacted as little as possible.
6, Focus on the positives
While divorce is undeniably hard, it can also be an opportunity to model resilience and the importance of navigating challenges in a healthy way. Focus on creating positive memories with your children celebrating their achievements and staying present in their lives. Divorce is a chapter in life, not the whole story, and with the right support, children can not only cope with the divorce but grow stronger from it.
Want to work with a solicitor who’ll help you put your child first during divorce? Contact Batt Broadbent today.